but in the end
by curdled-milk
Summary: time passes. tsukushi matures, and realizes something is wrong with her life...


(I don't own any of the characters of course, standard disclaimers and all apply)  
  
oh yeah, an intro would be useful, wouldn't it? I was sick this weekend, so I read all the online translations of the HYD manga and the chapters in Margaret. (I'd only watched the anime several years ago, before) Anyway, I woke up with this in my head. I wrote it in lecture. In case it's not intuitively obvious, it's from tsukushi's pov, several years after the current manga episodes. what if they'd finally managed to achieve a cease- fire with the world?  
  
I think it was then that love died.  
  
At first, we were overjoyed; the world had stopped fighting us at last. The year the old bitch had given us stretched into two, then three.  
  
There were no more kidnappings, no more SP's in dark glasses lurking behind every corner. The girls stopped trying to steal Doumyouji away from me, and guys stopped pestering me. It seemed perfect-a dream come true. But. . .  
  
Without all the obstacles in our path, without having to devote ourselves to fighting against the world . . .  
  
. . . We turned to fighting each other.  
  
At first, it was as though nothing had changed. We still got into stupid fights over nothing, or over petty misunderstandings. We yelled, and screamed, and turned our backs on one another. But, we always came back; to the warmth we'd always known, wrapped in each other's arms.  
  
And then, the fights got worse. We've always had a violent relationship, since day one, but never before like this. In the middle of a fight, he'd lash out, and leave me with a black eye, a broken arm. I'd like to think that I held my own against him too. I'm not that weak to be so easily pushed around.  
  
After each incident, I'd limp to back to Hanazawa Rui. I used his love for me to find the strength to continue in my relationship with Doumyouji. He'd listen to my tale of woe, his marble eyes darkening with rage. But he never told me to leave. As for everyone else, they all thought Doumyouji and I were still in love. And Rui. despite the fights, he thought I was happy, (or so I thought), and I didn't dare disillusion him. It all still hurt to much to bear - the loss of Doumyouji's and my love. So, instead, I'd bury my head in his chest while he put me back together, both mentally and physically.  
  
Doumyouji sometimes wouldn't come home for days after one of our arguments. He'd go out drinking with Akira and Soujiro, neither of whom ever seemed to realize something was wrong between us. During these long days, I'd depend on Rui for strength as I waited for Doumyouji to keep his promise and come home to me.  
  
And eventually he would. He'd walk in the door with tears in his eye, and an apology on his lips. He'd embrace me and promise it would never happen again. But I knew better. It would. And next time would be even worse.  
  
I grew to dread his touch. The lips and arms that had once made me feel safe and strong now only made me tremble with fear. Still, I couldn't find the strength to leave. We'd made promises once. I didn't want to be the one to break them.  
  
Even in our lovemaking, I could find no peace. Akira and Soujiro had told me that our relationship would bloom and we'd find contentment in sex. I should have known those two didn't really know what they were talking about. Nevertheless, despite my skepticism, Doumyouji's insistence won out, and I gave in eventually. But it was nothing like what I'd been told. -- He was gentle at first, it's true-but only at first. Then he grew to enjoy inflicting pain, using tooth and nail to mark my flesh as His. . . .And . Control. He Always had to be in Control.  
  
I've been thinking a lot recently, going over my life in my head. And I know now that the hot love Doumyouji and I once shared has burnt itself to ashes. I promised myself once that I wouldn't live a lie. I can no longer keep my promises to Doumyouji-I should at least try to keep the ones I made to myself.  
  
So I'm getting out of this abusive hell.  
  
I'm starting over Again. But I can't do it alone.  
  
I've given it a lot of thought, and there's always been one person who's been there when I'm at my lowest; calm, steady, and dependable. It's not a burning passion, but - I've always needed him to be there for me. And he's always been able to make me smile, no matter how sad I felt. I could never have gotten through all these years without him.  
  
Somehow, I think he always knew that it would come down to this. And that's why he's been there waiting. He knew I'd never have believed it if told; that one day I'd leave Doumyouji. For Good.  
  
But that's how it is.  
  
I'm running away.  
  
I'm running away with Hanazawa Rui.  
  
He's meeting me at the airport in ten minutes.  
  
And this time, there's no reason for me to look back.  
  
I have no regrets, despite the pain, the hurt and the wasted years. Rui's love is like the cool spring rain that will teach the ashes of my heart to bloom again.  
  
My bags are packed, the taxi is waiting.  
  
I've left a note for Doumyouji telling him not to follow me. Somehow, this time, I don't think he will.  
  
Despite the pain in my heart and in my body, I'm happy for the first time in ages. Hanazawa Rui is waiting for me.  
  
I won't make him wait any longer. 


End file.
